This past week I have been listening to songs from the past! I came across the song by McFly called “It’s all about you” and it gave me a rush of amazing memories with my children singing it together at home and in the car. This article is not about this song – but the title, in the opposite way, seemed perfect.
You know when you feel offended because someone has made you upset and you don’t understand how they dared to? It could for example be someone cutting you in traffic, ignoring you as a client or not answering your messages. You think it is about you because we naturally feel we are the centre of the universe. But it is more about them. Most often they are not thinking, “haha I am going to make this person’s life miserable in some way”. Instead, they might just be upset themselves, feel down for a reason we don’t know, or simply not seeing you are asking for attention. Or they are angry because in their mind you have caused them to feeling this way.
It is very common for people to complain about people we don’t know well and people we are close to. I say it without any judgment because I have done it thousands of times myself. I can still go unconscious and blame someone else for how they make me feel. Oh it is a long learning curve, but I will say the following: When you understand that someone else’s outburst of anger or expression of annoyance has more to do with how the other person is feeling or thinking than you, you are free. You are less in their power. You are not in their power at all! The same goes of course the other way too.
When we start taking things less personally we open for enjoying life in a completely different way. During my mindfulness meditation training several years ago something came up that showed me I was finally on the right path to stop getting so easily offended. This following example might not be super perfect but it came to mind so I will share it. Although a mini-incident it signified a step forward to me. I was sitting in our car on the motorway and, due to traffic, we were driving slowly. A car passed us on the side I was sitting. As I looked out of the window I saw a couple of children sticking their tongues out and making funny faces in my direction (what, making fun of me??). I surprised myself by starting laughing, feeling 100% joyous. I say “surprised” because prior to that I would never have laughed in a similar situation. I would have felt disrespected. Of course the children in the other car had been very clever coming up with their own way to have fun during their journey. Oh yes I can affirm I have changed – a lot!
How about pausing for a moment and bring to mind what it is that people do “to you” that you find upsetting. Maybe with self-reflection you can see it is not happening because they are against you? Maybe there is something you can do to change your own perception to feel more ease?
I wish you well! Annette X
