Okay, so Christmas season and all, it is the beginning of December, and I am feeling I am already falling behind… Actually, I am fine, it is more that somewhere in me there is this sense of not living up to expectations for how christmassy it “should” be at home, all the things I “should” have prepared, and all the things we “should” be doing. I have this feeling of having to defend myself, actually both to myself and my children, for not have everything in place already.
Luckily, I know what is happening. I have created space between myself and the pressure of perfect Christmas / Christmas the way it has always been! And I have become more accepting of myself. I am in some way feeling I am disappointing my (very grown-up) children by not delivering everything as I used to. At the same time, I know that change is good, and sometimes very necessary! Isn’t it great that we can all change? Why give in to the pressure if we don’t want to, don’t feel like it, or actually can’t? Please note, my children have not really complained, it is more about the pressure I realise I used to put on myself.
A few examples from a mother’s perspective: I was away when my son came back from university, fridge was completely empty and heating turned down when he arrived – and he had been gone for eight weeks. I first put up the children’s advent calendar (yes they still get one) on the 4th of December, four days too late, and it is not completed yet! My daughter has asked me for the last 10 days if we can please start decorating, nothing has happened yet. And let us not even mention presents… I am usually always caring 100% for all these things!
The great thing is, I am feeling pretty okay about it! A bit strange to say, but that’s the truth.
These last few weeks, I have become very aware of how I live my life, and how my children are living theirs. It is getting more and more clear to me how easy it is to live according to how others think you should live. As things are coming up at home about how we react to different situations, I take any opportunity to tell my children that they decide how they live their life, and that it is not necessary to do something they don’t want to – even if they end up disappointing someone, such as a friend, a teacher, me! I want them to feel completely free. They are young, they do not yet have their own family or children, they can do exactly what they want. And, as what happens when you start practicing mindfulness meditation, you learn to listen to yourself, to take care of your needs.
Hoping not to generalise too much or offend anyone, but apparently men are better than women to care for their own needs. According to the paper I read, women could do much better in that area!
So in the preparations for this Christmas season, I invite you all to take life a bit less seriously, bring kindness to yourself and others, and laugh if things do not work out perfectly as expected – it is not the end of the world ❤️
