“I can do what I want”. This is something that has come up for me so many times lately. It feels liberating to know that it is not only something I say, it is something that feels right too. I know the expression may sound childish, as if insisting on getting my needs and wants covered, however it is the truth for me right now.
I have been surprised to realise how much I have been tied up in my past and the last years of my marriage. Also surprised by the time it has taking me to arrive back to a place of freedom. It is a place I recognise from my twenties, when everything felt possible.
Something remains permanent your whole life, and that is that you will always be with you. People come into your life, people leave you, you leave people, and you learn you cannot control when and what happens. Maybe you have realised you are the only person who will always be with you? Knowing this, this is my reason for being okay with treating myself as my best friend, and act accordingly. Even when it goes against other’s opinion of what is “right”.
After I separated from my husband, it took me time to start doing what I wanted. It took me time to “dare” hang pictures up on the wall without asking anyone’s opinion! It took me time to get rid of things that I thought my children might be emotionally attached to. After a couple of years of practice doing what I wanted more often, I learned to follow my wants quicker, and also have trust in my intuition. This all taught me that there is no need worrying whether a decision is completely right or if it happens at the “perfect” moment. If something goes wrong, it is not failure, it is learning!
Allow for trust and start believing that what is right for you is right for you, and important to take into account. Looking back, I was slow at making changes. I think I needed the time to get in touch with me again. I got there through practising mindfulness meditation and yoga. During the years leading up to my divorce, I chose to put the family first, all the time, and I ended up neglecting myself. I can recognise this in mothers around me with younger children and partners who travel frequently. That is why I highly recommend practices such as yoga and meditation. They help bring you back to you, and also support you in keeping and nurturing a feeling of freedom in your life.
Treating yourself in the best way and doing more what you want and what feels necessary for you is good and not selfish! You actually allow for much more kindness and compassion to people around you when you give to yourself. So do what is good for you, do more what you want. If not always, then at least sometimes!