Do you ever look back at how far you have come? This is not about keeping score. To me, it is rather about taking a moment to look back and acknowledge the wisdom and teachings you have learned along the way.
Maybe the first time I was looking back on purpose was when I did my yoga teacher training in 2015-2017. Over the course of two years I met up with the teachers and others students once every six months. Every time we started by sitting in a big circle sharing what had happened on a personal level since the last time we met. By the way, are you aware of how much happens in six months’ time for each and everyone of us?!? Today I am going to look a bit further back, to ten years ago and one year ago.
November 10 years ago My life, or rather “life situation” (to use a more conscious expression), was dark and so horrible. I was in intense suffering. My husband was leaving me, I was living in London and had no family around for immediate support. Although I had friends I thought it best to stay at home on my own as I was crying all the time. At night I could hardly sleep. The only people I had energy for was myself and my two children. Strangely enough there was also a glimmer of light in my difficult existence: Ten years ago is when I started practising mindfulness meditation. It changed my whole life to the better. It saved me! Where would I be today without my dedication to starting fixing my mind at that time I don’t know. Looking back I can only appreciate the situation I was in ten years ago. I know that without the struggle I had at the time, and it did last for a good 3-4 years, I would not be where I am today. I am so grateful for what I learned from my suffering and for the life I am living today.
November 1 year ago I was in London and the sale of my house was going through on the 10th of November. It felt impossible to make the sorting of all my belongings, the move from my house, the organisation of everything involving the sale of the house and my twenty years plus in Wimbledon smooth and possible. But of course I managed. When you have to you have to, and once you have a deadline with solicitors and agents, buyers and bank you know you are going to make it! I can still remember the endless lists I was writing every evening so I would not miss out on what was needed to be done the following day. I was going for a dream stay in the South of France, it was my choice, and at the same time I was feeling exhausted by all that had to be done. I thought: “Am I really going to make it?” One day, a few weeks before the 10th, I came across a picture that helped me stay focused all the way to the finish line. It was a picture of a woman with long dark hair. She was standing barefoot in the wind on some rocks in the sea. The only thing she was wearing was a warm off white sweater that ended on her thighs. She looked relaxed, in charge, and so cool. I thought: “This is me in three weeks. This is who I am becoming.” And I’d like to think, so it was!
Wishing you well – Annette X
