Sometimes we get overwhelmed by a loss that is happening in our life. Sometimes the loss seems too big, such as the loss of a partner, a home, a job. It feels challenging when we are in the middle of it. For some of us it can be the hardest experience we will ever have in life. And perhaps the biggest teaching we will ever get.
This ties in with my previous article but there is a different angle to it here. As my marriage broke down I was going to therapy. I had a therapist who was wonderfully non-judgmental. She did listen to all my crying and complaining and she also seemed to takes things lightly, which annoyed me at the time. I guess she already knew what I was about to learn…
I remember describing to my therapist how I would loose my home within a few years time and how, if I looked at my current life situation in a factual way, there were losses everywhere around me. Whether it was the house, the husband, money, love, furniture and everything else I was complaining about. I was loosing across the whole spectre of what I had spent half of my life building up.
My therapist looked at me without any “oh poor you” affection and said instead with bemused excitement: “Wow, you are really loosing everywhere!”. I did not understand her. Here I was, the victim (oh how I cringe admitting that is how I was perceiving myself at the time), confessing my misery, and she seemed to find it exciting?? She was smiling? She did not even comment on it and I did not ask. Several months later I thought how wise she had been. She had helped me go deeper within to find out for myself.
Here it is: When we see everything falling apart around us, or falling away, it is actually a gift from life. It is life helping us to make room for something new to come. When there is no space and everything is a bit claustrophobic and we want to have control so we cling to everything around us, it is like we cannot breathe. Life cannot come through and breathe through us. There is no space for growth. Instead we are slowly dying. We cling and cling so much there is no other option but for life to introduce something harsh into the way we live to help us wake up. Life is helping us become more conscious. Awareness and newness must enter, if not we will unconsciously spiral down.
When I hear people talk about a recent difficult loss in their life, such as loosing a partner or something important like a job or a home, I have compassion for them and I also think: “Hmm, I wonder what they are making space for”. I feel a kind of excitement for them. Just like my therapist did for me.
Wise words for the end: You always have a choice. If you are clinging to someone or something, be aware that you are clinging. No judgment is needed. You can choose to cling forever, or you can choose to let go, however hard it is. If you choose to let go it also means you choose to trust. Know you are making room for something new to enter your life. Feel grateful for the good you already have. Look forward with excitement for what is coming your way so you can be full of life, expansion, love and growth!
I wish you well – Annette X
