Oooh that’s a bit of a harsh title but do you know it is true? Here is my example: For the last months I have been wanting to write every single day and have been complaining to myself and others that it is hard to write at home and why are there no cafes around with a cool space that would inspire me to write? Guess what has happened? I haven’t been writing much at all. The internal complaining I was allowing myself to have, and that I know I am 100% responsible for, blocked me from doing what I set out to do.
Now that is changing. Awareness was key to the change. Once I became fully aware of my limiting complaining thought I could decide if it was true or not. I could decide if it was an excuse for not going forward, a fear of putting into writing what I have in my head, or some perfectionistic nonsense that everything has to be perfect before I can do anything. I have come to the conclusion it is a mix of everything and mostly based in fear.
I know there are lots of examples where the act of complaining gets people what they want. They manage to get first in the queue, get another and better bottle of wine, be the first on a flight when their original flight is cancelled. Basically, their irritation and complaining help them make people around them do what they want them to do. But when we are acting from complaining, is it helpful in the long run? Is it kind to ourselves and others, or to life? It is like screaming: “I don’t agree with life!!”.
The first changes I noticed in myself as I started meditating ten years ago was how much easier it became to not have the need to complain and be so impatient. I know these emotions and tendencies are still in me, proof in the first paragraph! They come out now and then however not as strongly as before. If and when I notice I am complaining or being impatient I know it is a sign I am against the present moment. Pretty absurd if you think of it. The key is to accept the moment as it is. This will bring you 1) Calmness within 2) More clarity 3) Opportunity for inspired action. Result? Uneccesary agitation around the situation gone.
Awareness is your friend for life. Sometimes it takes time before we know if we are complaining or what we are complaining about. It can be so unconscious. There is probably still a lot of complaining in me it makes me want to cry/laugh!? However, once we come into the present moment and become aware of the automatic complaining we can do something about it. Awareness is everything.
Best wishes! Annette X
